you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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