K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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