Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
