There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
