arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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