I'm drive I can fine osifer
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
