As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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