Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
