some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
