I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
