I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
