ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize