I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
