the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
