Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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