My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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