Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
