I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
