WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
