I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
