Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
