i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
