My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
