I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
