..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
