proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
