this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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