Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
