I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
