I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
