I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
