I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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