I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
