atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
