my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
