You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize