Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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