I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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