im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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