I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
