oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize