your thong is hanging out like whoa
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
