someone get that fucking seahorse.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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