now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
