Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
