Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i think i just lost a toe
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
dude. I can hear the air.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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