The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
