If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
