I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
