I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
