even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
