We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
