I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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