I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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