"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
And then he peed in my hair
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