You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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