fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
