so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
