Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
