I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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