He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
