she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
