Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
