Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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