It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What a dumb baby whore.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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