He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
