you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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