I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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