So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
