He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
