Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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