I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
